Bad Things Happen to Good People but this is 7 Ways WE Will Work Through it & Heal

Life will Test Your Strength

Recently, I’ve been podcasting with other single mom + preneurs and it’s been amazing. However, two moms shared that they were going through the motions regarding their situations with the father of their children and their motions were affecting them to the degree that made them postpone our scheduled podcast.

It’s amazing to me how God will have us GROW through things so that we can assist others with doing the same. This post is dedicated to both those mamas and all the others I haven’t met yet; my heart pours out to them while I send prayers up for them.

I remember laying in the bed crying day in & out when my daughters dad left for Cali. I never saw the day coming that he would up & leave us to pursue his dreams. I didn’t fault him for it though. It was bold. I let him know that I was ok with him leaving & I expected him to be ok with me dating other people until he figured life out. I mean can you blame me? Why in the hell would I want to be with a man that wanted to leave his child and the mother of his child for his dreams? There was nothing in place with his dreams and transition that would allow him to support his family and unfortunately, I didn’t want anything to be in place to solidify our relationship. I was ok with him leaving due to me praying that God show me a sign that would open my eyes to see if him and I were meant to be.

I was 21 at the time and even then I expected more from him. He had asked me to not work while I was pregnant so why would he up and leave knowing we were depending on him? I will add in that we weren’t technically in a relationship at this point. We were in a situationship let Horacio Jones (https://www.instagram.com/horaciojones) tell it. To say the least I had allowed my life to become a mess! A complete mess and it was only getting messier. My daughters biological father had come to me and asked me to move with him to California when he told me about the deal he was moving for. He said he thought it would be a good way for us to start over. I thought he was completely insane. He had already used his

upper hand against me when we lived together while I was pregnant by being the breadwinner and making sure I knew it with his nasty words. “It’s my money,” yet he was right. We weren’t married and he was the one working so it was HIS money despite him asking me not to work.

Not only did we go through that but he also had allowed his mom to chew me out on way too many occasions and then would flip the script and charge back at her to prove a point to me. They both were crazy in my eyes. She was because she continued to focus on our doings. I know we were young but I felt like she had her chance to raise her son and instead chose to raise someone else’s and run out on her own, so trying to raise my daughters dad during our pregnancy wasn’t going to benefit us. Truth be told, her end results were not to help us, though. I had heard too many times that we reminded her too much of his dad and her when they were our age and dating. Mind you they didn’t make it, and I’ll let that marinate. I could say a lot about his mom but for what? The only two things I will tell you all is 1. protect your energy from those that show constant inconsistencies. 2. When getting to know someone fact check and find out what their relationship was like with their parents and what their parents relationship was like. You need to know so that you can monitor if they are mocking what they learned as a child.

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It’s funny how you can hold high regards for someone & let them know where you stand & because they don’t agree with it they go & bash your name like you’re a bad person. After Nila’s biological father & I spoke about him figuring life out & doing what he needed to as a man before we would be able to be a couple again he ended up losing the job no one thought was idea when he left. The guy that hired him told him he played him & had him sign a contract that wasn’t real to begin with. He called me crying that day. I felt bad but what was I to say, “I told you so?” Instead I said, “you can’t cry about it. I told you not to TRUST him. I asked you to let me read the contract or to have my dad’s wife read it. (She’s a lawyer & judge) What are you going to do now? You can’t come home or everyone will spit on your name so now what? I wish you would have at least gotten the other job. I told you it’s important to have multiple streams of income.”

Somehow my daughters biological father convinced me to not work while🤰pregnant so I didn’t. I knew before he left town that I should have my own 💵 money because we were having problems before he left, yet I didn’t FOLLOW MY INTUITION. It only got worse. When he lost that job I had to go & get one. I had started looking ahead of time because everything about his situation and our situationship screamed, “mama don’t play yourself,” yet I had done so already with allowing him to knock me up plus some. Even though I started looking I didn’t find a job until after he was fired. But at least I found one, right?

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I now was a single mom working for a job I hated with no support from my daughters dad & he wasn’t 📞 calling like he use to. I was ok that he wasn’t asking me about us being together but what about Nila??? I called him 1 day while at my cousins house & asked him, “what’s up with you? You don’t even call for Nila anymore.” He provided some excuse & I FELT it was bs when he told me. He started mentioning that he was busy working on his music with his clients and talked about all the people he had met. Name dropping is his thing. I didn’t care about anything he was telling me about. I just wanted him to make time for my baby girl because she deserved that much being that he was a starving artist supporter, meaning he went to California to work with/manage artists. His lack of communication increased but there’s more.

••••

About a week or two later one of my best friends from high school and I linked up. She was in town for the summer due to her college break. I will never forget it. Her and I are sitting and chatting and out of nowhere India says, “I’m not trying to be messy but did **** get in a relationship?” I reply, “not that I know of, why?” She says, “I saw a picture of him and this girl that he posted for national gf’s day. Diamond she looks like you. Have you seen it?” I couldn’t help it, my reply was simple, “hell naw, that’s why he hasn’t been calling to speak to Nila!” She pulls out her phone and says again, “I’m not trying to be messy but look.” And of course I did. India, trying to make me feel better says, “she’s not as pretty as you though.” I won’t lie it made me feel better but being prettier than my daughters biological fathers gf wasn’t my concern. His absence because of getting a gf was. I was confused. Not only was she his gf but she was a mom. Why wouldn’t she care to have her man involved in his child’s life? All I could ask myself is what type of sick shit is this? How in the hell have I gotten in a relationship where my daughters dad thinks it’s ok to run off, not provide for his baby, and not call. This was never supposed to be my reality was it? God, was it!? Is it me? Am I that bad of a person that you had my daughter’s biological father forsaken her and me? And this gf of his, why in the hell did you help him find a lookalike of me? What type of sick fucking joke is this God. Don’t you love me?

You won’t begin to understand how upset I was. Every bit of me knew I didn’t deserve this shit so why was I going through it? Why in the hell was my daughter being punished for her dad and I not working out? Fuck this shit!!! Fuck all of this! I’m sick of living in hell on Earth.

And just like that it clicked. The single mom + preneurs was thought of before this climax in my life occurred, yet for whatever reason it took even longer than this for me to move like God expected me to.

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Ok Mama’s Now Let’s Get in Formation

You can run but you can not hide from Gods work. You see, we all are tested for reasons beyond us. What you go through is sent to have you GROW through like a beautiful flower 🌸 so stop running from your test and get clear that you’ll have a testimony!

Here we are 3 almost 4 years later and even though God gave me the VISION for The Single Mom + Preneurs, I waited until I was ready to move. Don’t be like me be better than me. If you’re going through things which I’m sure you are, write about it, talk through it, join a support team/tribe/circle/community, go to therapy, and be authentic about how you feel.

I am being as real as I can with y’all. I’m not perfect by any means. I hurt my daughters biological father not meaning to after realizing it wasn’t going to work...I drug it out. I didn’t try to, it just happened. I kept telling him I didn’t want a relationship but I was comfortable with our situationship so I went back in forth between him and others. In return he dissed me to his gf and uses my baby girl as a pawn when he’s curious to see if something could come out of us.

Understand that all our stories are different but that doesn’t mean the results have to be. I will tell you like I tell many others, “there’s no coincidence you’re here, it’s Divine!” Let’s heal and turn around and help someone else do the same.

Are you currently hurting from your relationship/situationship with your child(ren)’s other parent? If so how are you working through it?

I hope to serve you by sharing 7 ways we will work through it and heal.

1. Become Ok with Crying - when you feel like you need to do so or you’ll end up like Tyler Perry’s movie Acrimony. (My man was in this movie as a featured model) so if you haven’t seen it yet do so today, it was amazingly real!

2. Go to Therapy - if you are melaninated I know that you may think you don’t need therapy but we all do so we’re not running around killing people for no apparent reason, beating our children, cussing and fussing, or anything else out of the ordinary. There’s no better way to heal than to see someone who can help you unblock your energy and transform it to something much more healthy than you’re use to. That someone for me is Dr. Crystal (https://www.instagram.com/drcrystaljones/) who you’ll meet soon if you allow yourself to attend some of these mommy events we have planned out.

3. Dig Deep in Your Spirituality - now is the time my love. You may think that you are in your feelings like Drake but you may not have seen anything, yet. Y’all my daughters biological father is wearing Yeezy's yet he texted me telling me he couldn’t send $200 for child support and from what the child support department is sharing with me he may be getting paid under the table because they haven’t been able to trace his stream of income. Not only that but he made another child in the process of abandoning ours. I say all this to say if it weren’t for my faith I would be behind bars.

4. Listen to Your Intuition - it sounds so cliche right? Well, it's real! It's there for a reason. I'm not speaking of the little devil in you saying he's cheating when he's not because you have some insecurities of your own. No, I'm speaking of that pure gut feeling that grabs ahold of you in the most random moments. An example of mine is when I met my daughter's biological dad. Everything in my body told me don't do it. Y'all aren't ready. Maybe next lifetime...literally, yet I still went for it. I told him no until I got so comfortable with his presence. I hope you understand it when I say it, seriously! I knew deep down that I shouldn't have. Then, somehow, we had a conversation when we both were enrolled in our IT program and I shared with him that I didn't know about marriage but I knew I wanted to have children. The truth was I knew that him and I wouldn't get married. We kept chatting and he asked me if I would move with him to another state if that's where life took him and I told him I didn't know. I think about those moments all the time now because they took place for a reason and I still denied them. Now, here I am with my child and not married. I'm a wife in progress but my child is not the biological child of the man courting me and the truth be told, I can only blame myself because my intuition grabbed ahold of me multiple times and I didn't listen.

5. Surround Yourself with People that Love You - a lot of us try and tackle our hardships in private but you have to be careful when doing so. That is the most vulnerable time for the enemy to make your heart, mind, soul, and spirit, its stomping grounds. If you are having a hard time with family you can connect with other moms like us single mom + preneurs to vent. It's ok to be stuck, love, just don't stay stuck. Allow yourself the time needed to heal but also be sure to attend events that make you get dolled up, release some blocked energy, or socialize. It's within your best interest, trust me!

6. Blog/Journal or Vlog - You may think I'm crazy for telling you to do so but you'll look back later and realize that you are one of the superwoman walking this Earth. You will also be able to see your growth. Lastly, think about all the moms you will help get through some of the same things or something similar. I'm finally writing about what I've gone through which is strange to me. I was trying to handle my business while I was carrying all that pain. Picking up clients left and right, yet I was venting when I needed to, which was almost everyday, and I never took the time out to actually write down how I was feeling. I am not saying that you should come up with healing solutions for other moms or women, now, I'm just saying let it out. It helps with your healing, again, trust me, love!

Understand that you will be tested and God will see how strong you are so that you can elevate to the next level. Don’t fail the test if you already have the answers and if you didn’t have them now you do.

Pray your heart away and meditate ONLY on what you want out of life so that you don’t end up creating a reality that leads you behind bars. I know women that have tried to kill other women because of these men’s actions. Don’t focus on what he’s not doing focus on what you need from God since, unfortunately, that may be why God is grasping your attention currently. That's what happened with me. I knew I wasn't suppose to date Nila's biological father. The time that I gave him was suppose to be for myself. I was to start digging deep in what God had for me and I didn't. That was really my season to glow up, but leave it to my hard headed ass and what do I get, a baby and a man that leaves me to raise her by myself. Sometimes we go through to grow through, help others grow through, and elevate to where God needs us to be...not where we want to be. It’s a cold truth but you got this.

If you have more tips on how you worked through your pain and healed share it with us below.

If you’d like to talk but would rather do so privately, email us at singlemompreneurs@gmail.com.